What do you want to be known for? What values and traits are most important to you?
We all have different answers to these questions, but these answers have something in common: they all come from a place of good intentions.
I can guarantee you weren't thinking -
"I want to be known for throwing others under the bus. And for having low integrity. Oh! And I also want to be known for being rude and unfriendly.
"I value being passive aggressive. And making others feel like they're not good enough because I don't like them."
How we show up matters.
On our best days, we think about how we're showing up - we are intentionally kind, choose our words and tone carefully, think something through before we say it. (And on our very very best days, we might even think: How will this make the other person feel?)
But on our worst days? Pessimism, frustration, stress, or negative events can all dictate how we treat others. It happens subconsciously and as a result, we don't even think about we're being perceived, don't see a problem with our behavior, or worse - don't even care.
Once these emotions come out and start controlling our actions, it's hard to stop. That's where these questions come in.
Asking yourself: What do I want to be known for? and What values and traits are most important to me? are centering. They create pause, help to set an intention, and make us proactive, instead of reactive, to feelings.
Taking one minute to think through these questions works, and it works any time: Before getting out of bed, walking into an intense meeting, or talking to that annoying coworker who needs extra direction and guidance. While responding to a rude email, participating in a team brainstorm session, or dealing with a random drive-by while trying to get something really important done.
Here's what it looks like in action:
- It's the weekly team meeting- no one really gets along and your manager is talking down to everyone for not hitting numbers and as a result there is finger pointing and blame being passed around. Instead of joining in, the intention could be: I want to be seen as flexible and a team player here, someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to get the team back on track. I value integrity and collaboration.
- It's Monday morning and you're expected to stop working when new hires are brought around for introductions - but something blew up over the weekend and you're trying to get back on track and answer all the emails that came in Sunday night. Instead of just giving a quick smile, barely looking away from your computer, or even worse, ignoring them (thinking, why does it even matter if I say hello and act nice), the intention could be: I value friendliness and want to be seen as someone who cares about others and puts people first. I want to be known for making others feel good about themselves. I don't want to be known for being the standoff-ish one who is always too busy to say hello.
How we show up matters. Be intentional about it.