The Easiest Way to Not be a Jerk in Meetings

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

What sets you off? Frustrates you? Clouds your vision so much that what you know you should do goes out the window and subconscious reactions kick in?

We all have triggers and they bring out the worst in us at work because triggers are the things that make us feel ignored. Undervalued. Unappreciated. Sometimes they go deeper and hit at our core, and then we feel shame, worthlessness, guilt. 

Naming our triggers is critical to professional growth.

I know mine. It's taken years to figure them out + be humble enough to accept that this is who I am and these triggers have an impact on how I behave. They are:

  • Being excluded from a decision
  • Having my intelligence challenged
  • Feeling left out

By knowing our triggers, we can shut off negative responses at the source, because we're able to label exactly what is wrong. Instead of snapping at someone or ignoring them (my two most common reactions when I am triggered), when I feel the urge to behave that way, I take a few seconds to identify WHY.

And the answer is always that I've been triggered. 

Which usually means I'm feeling that someone isn't listening to me or respecting my intelligence, but sometimes I have to admit that I'm feeling left out and want to take it out on the other person. 

The danger is that most people don't know (or won't accept) their triggers.

I see it daily, and here's what it looks like: 

  • Shutting down in a meeting, refusing to say anything else because the group isn't listening
  • Pushing for ideas too hard and purposely causing friction and calling others out in order to not be seen as the one who messed up
  • Not answering emails on purpose because of the fear that the answer is wrong
  • Interrupting and challenging everyone in a meeting because that's equated with being the smartest or most important

Understanding your triggers takes a combination of maturity and humility. And it starts with this question: What are my self-doubts? When do I feel at my lowest?

Another indicator is your personality style. I love the DISC assessment, because it's easy to interpret and put into action. And knowing what quadrant you're in gives insight into the behaviors that could set you off (so if you're struggling to peel away the layers of your personality and the baggage of life because it feels too scary, start with DISC).

Self-awareness is critical to professional growth. It's also critical to keeping yourself from flying off the handle andbeing a jerk and calling your boss a crazy person in the next team meeting. Because I can guarantee that won't help you grow professionally either.

 

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Tess Ausman is the founder of CLT Leads, LLC, a virtual leadership development company that transforms overachieving young professionals into confident, self-aware leaders. She is passionate about the soft skills that it takes to grow a career: self-awareness, empathy, and a healthy dose of humilty. Check her out at www.instagram.com/thecltleads too.

Four Ways to Make Your Monday Amazing

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When I was a high school teacher I dreaded Mondays. I would spend most of my Sunday afternoons worrying, stressing and complaining. That mindset left me exhausted and I rarely felt refreshed and optimistic about the week. 

I was my own worst enemy. 

Ten years later a lot has changed. I've had two careers. I've now got two young children (which leaves me little time to even think about Monday in between keeping everyone fed / wiping noses / dealing with tantrums). I've grown up. 

But most importantly, what I've learned since that time in my life is that I am in charge of my mindset if I want my Monday to be amazing. 

Not my boss. Not my husband. Not my workload.

Realizing that was a huge step because I felt empowered to change my mindset instead of relying on others to do it for me. So I started doing things differently, and it quickly made a difference.

I started practicing self-care. I know what helps me feel relaxed: cooking, exercising, laying on the couch and watching TV (no shame in that game). So instead of denying these things to myself, I've leaned into them because they make happier. Which means Monday can't get me down. 

I cleared our calendar. Packing Sundays with events left our family feeling frantic and rushed at the end of the day and then I would go to bed feeling stressed and empty. Now I'm intentional about what we let into our Sundays. And because of that the day is slow, moves at a relaxed pace, and I feel recharged and ready to take on the week.

I created a gratitude list. I'm a pessimist at heart. It's something I work to overcome and if I'm not careful the negative thoughts go crazy on Sunday afternoons. I'm never going to get anything done. I can't believe I have that meeting on Monday. I feel so tired already. Intentionally having gratitude puts me in a better state of mind. And that carries over when I wake up the next day. 

I organized my Monday ... on Friday. Every Friday afternoon I look at my calendar for the next week and make a to-do list so that when I sit at my desk Monday morning, it's all there. I'm not playing catch-up at 8:00am because I already know what's on my plate. I'm not anxious on Sunday because I've forgotten what the upcoming week holds.

Running blindly into Monday means the day will run us, but successful people don't let that happen. Instead of running blindly through the weekend, letting others dictate your schedule, identify what's most important and what you need to feel your best. Then do that and watch your Monday be amazing.